I am with me ..

I was scared I was shy, it is a fact that I can’t deny

I must accept that I used to be confused, I kept the talent I had unused

The confidence was almost zero, I was afraid of greeting people with a single hello

My days were spent thinking about others, what people think about me I used to wonder

Days passed by and then years, nothing was growing in my head but fears

Gradually I realized something, on my every failure people were clapping

I ignored their reaction somewhere; I shared with everybody my despair

To my surprise people were happier than before, making me curious more

I decided to do something different that time, I worked hard and overtime

No time was wasted in thinking about people, focus and efforts were made double

Feeling that something is achieved, I decided to share the news with everybody that I succeed

Again to my surprise nobody was happy, except a few others were hurt badly

The law of society could not be ignored, I learned that the fear of society I could not afford

I started learning from that day, world is not black and white but grey

More efforts then were put; the goal was to double the output

I gradually got the wings of confidence; I pushed myself hard without the fear of consequence

The thinking was changed and hence the things, those were followed by series of wins

Now I am no shyer, I put more energy in my wings – I want to fly higher

I have found the key to success; hard work, dedication and willpower always ensure progress

The habit of giving up doesn’t help much; working hard is the only way out as such

Now I don’t bother what the situation might be; I am fine as long as 'I am with me'

You're my first love...

You're my first love and will always be, nobody is as important as you are trust me

You attract me whenever I see you,but I am not fortunate enough to spend all day with you

My mother always gets furious when I talk about you, honey she doesn’t understand the love I hold for you

You're always inviting, I must say every moment spent with you is invariably delighting

You're only mine and I am happy in a small world of you and me – let’s include a wine

You have always been with me in all ups and downs, you make me feel as if I am wearing a crown

Nobody understands me as much as you do, I always feel like a free bird when I am with you

You have a potential to make me forget all the pain, being with you has always been a lovely gain

The warmth and softness I feel in your arms, always ensure that we are not disturbed by alarms

Let me go now see you tonight, I will be with you all through night

One last thing I want to share, I know we both form the best pair

Not sure why are you called as a ‘Bed’, oh my darling you are my life instead

You're my first love and will always be, nobody is as important as you are trust me..

The End

Neeta was too terrified. She was sweating and breathing rapidly. Her head was hefty. Her eyes and mouth were wide open. She felt the sensation of pins and needles in her limbs. Her legs were heavy and she was unable to move any of her body parts. She did what she had always dreamt of. But never had she thought about the complex set of emotions she would go through after it. Her hands started shaking suddenly. Losing the grip of her hand from its wooden handle, she wiped her hands to her Saree. As she closed her eyes, tears spilled down through her cheek. She tried to get up; however, her legs had no energy to bear her body weight and she kept sitting by his side.

Remembering the day when she had entered his house, she got the goose bumps. The days when she was in love with Rohit were the best days of her life. The time they had spent together brought them closer. Her attachment towards him increased with time. Rohit was too much in love with her. Her charming face was his weakness. She used to cook his favorite food and he used to come home early from office to spend more time with her. They were happy and content with each other. Sharing everything with each other and understanding each other well made them one of the best couples among their friends. He used to ask her opinion for almost every decision he took. Rohit was too much in love with her that he could not imagine his life without her. Those days were, unfortunately, the only days when she was happy with Rohit. The love between them didn’t last long.

The dispute actually started when she had started working. His hidden insecurity in a relationship made him doubtful about her character. He preferred not speaking about it initially however his behavior towards her was changed. He was sarcastic towards her and his tone of voice was hostile. He started noticing her every move and began complaining about small things. Neeta did notice the change however she thought that the change could be because of his heavy office work. She handled all such situations patiently. Gradually, his feeling of infidelity towards her started growing and Rohit started controlling her. He made her dress the way he wanted. She was ordered to ask him before doing anything. The increasing frequency of disputes shortly took a form of a mistreatment. He started abusing her before others. Neeta tried having an open dialogue with Rohit however he always refused to communicate with her. She was willing to resolve the problem; however, there was no aid from Rohit. She was helpless. The almost daily abuse was making her loose most of her feelings towards him. The situation was changing with time and becoming worse. Both of them hardly shared any respectable moments after that and it didn’t take much time for a transformation of verbal abuse to a physical abuse. She was forced to leave her job. He isolated her from all her friends. She tried leaving his home many times but every time he brought her back ensuring her that he would change his behavior. But neither did he change nor did he allow her to leave him. Even after leaving her job and changing herself the way he wanted herself to be, Rohit continued to distress her. It was later his habit to hold her responsible for every single wrong thing. She was not allowed to go out of the house. Her house was the only world for her. She tried resisting his torture but could not be successful. The things were out of control for her. All his emotions for her were drained. He was different than before. His doubtful behavior and negative thinking made their life miserable. Neeta lost all the charm on her face. Her dark circles were prominent and she was no more taking care of herself the way she used to do so in the past. She was not able to come out of negativity and was not ready to tolerate it.

Surprisingly, there was a sudden change in her after some time. She stopped resisting his abuse. She stopped reacting to his nastiness. She was calm and patient same as she was before. There was something weird going on in her head. She was planning something. While Rohit was in office, she bravely went out of the house one day and brought something from the nearby medical store. The date was decided. The setup was ready. The old hand gloves were taken out of the cupboard. That day, despite their differences, she cooked his favorite food. Wearing his favorite Saree she strangely welcomed him with a smile. Rohit as always liked the dinner but he didn’t mention it. After a dinner, without speaking a single word, he went to their bedroom and instantly felt asleep. To make sure that no sound goes out of the house, she locked the door and all the windows from inside. She went to their room and saw him sleeping deeply. She then took out the sharp knife from the kitchen cabinet and went to their room. The lights were off. She took his blanket off. Making sure that the impact was as fatal as possible and using all her energy, she executed the plan.

It was then more than six hours that she was sitting by his side and going through the memory lane. It was not easy for her to go to such an extreme but she was not able to tolerate the pain as well. She was not allowed to leave him and she was not willing to live with him too. The constant suffering made her take that risk and her negative thoughts had made her believe that there was no other option than finishing everything. For a moment she felt if she could make him alive. For a moment she felt that killing him was just a dream and not a reality. The feeling of regret started growing in her mind. She gradually realized that she had no rights to take anybody’s life but her and for a moment she thought that suicide would have been a better option for her than killing him. Though she was revengeful, she was not fine with her deeds. The mixed feeling of negativity, scariness and regret killed her from inside. She, yet, had no guts to pick up the knife and kill herself. But out of her feeling of regret she could find out the other option. She wiped off her tears, got up from the bed and went to living room. There was a sudden firmness in her walk. She had decided something. Picking up the receiver, she dialed 100 and put ‘The End’ to her story. 

The Turn

When Shashank slowed down the speed of his car, Heena understood the possible next step he would take. He turned his car and stopped it. Heena got down from the car and looked at him. This was the first time she had seen his face. She was speechless but her beady eyes were thanking him deep down from her heart. Her body language was pretty much changed then. She was no more scared and was calm. The decision he had taken, made them content. Both of them could feel each other’s emotions. They could read each other’s face. The moment connected them with the strongest bond, the bond of humanity. He could see the happiness in her eyes, the happiness of freedom. She could see that he was delighted as he was the reason behind her freedom. She had no words left with her. The feeling was so deep that her expressions spoke her heart out. Her eyes were full of happiness. She breathed a sigh of contentment and relief. Without speaking a single word, she thanked him. With a smile on his face, he accepted her recognition. She ran towards the nearby bus-stop. Shashank was looking at her till the time she reached there and got inside the bus. He was then more pleased. He put his head down on the steering wheel and calmed down. Thinking to get a bottle of water from a nearby shop, he started the car and moved ahead with the slow speed. He realized that he had not spoken much since he met Heena and was amazed to gather that without much speaking he had communicated so fluently, had understood the situation so well and could also take a decision which turned out to be the best decision he had ever taken.

Shashank started thinking about the different set of sentiments he had been through since morning. He was more than energized in the morning with the thought of having a girl by his side for the whole night. It was a time for him to put all his imaginations into reality. He had Nilesh’s contact; Nilesh was the secretary of Mamata and had a job of keeping a watch on all the girls in her house. Nilesh was also involved in taking girls in and out of the house. Shashank had called Nilesh and asked him for someone who could please him. Nilesh, ensuring him the best service, convinced Shashank to pay considerably high charges for a night. Adrenaline shot through Shashank as he grasped that he had done the best deal. He started dreaming about the night. The spot had been decided where Nilesh was expected to bring Heena from where Shashank could take her along to the hotel. All was set at Shashank’s end.  At Mamata’s place, the scenario was different. Heena was brought to the house a day before.  Nilesh had spotted her at the Railway Station and took her along with him at Mamata’s place by deceiving her. Heena had learnt about the place in few hours after arriving there and had begun cursing herself for the mistake she did of trusting a stranger. She was kept in a dark room. She wanted to escape from the house but had no guts to even go out of her room. Nilesh and few other people had a close watch on her and she was too anxious of him, after knowing his reality, to utter a single word. After a phone call from Shashank, Mamata had forced her to wear a flashy coloured short dress. Her top was somewhat unbuttoned to make her cleavage clearly visible. Her legs were polished by applying some cream and she was given high heels to wear. She was forced to apply a lipstick of a darker shade than usual. Her hairs were set and she was given big and sparkling earrings to wear. Heena was startled and was highly unsure about the future at that moment. Dread settled into her stomach. She started appealing Mamata to let her go but it didn’t work. Mamata gave her a tight slap on her face and bullied her with the threat of killing her. Heena stopped crying however was half dead from inside. She was then taken to the spot. Nilesh kept sitting in a car while Heena was asked to get down and stand on the footpath.

Shashank had arrived in few minutes and opened the door from inside. Shashank was thrilled by the thought of being with a girl for a full night. He was wearing one of his favourite t-shirts and had applied a perfume which he thought was enough to fascinate a girl. He had set his hair by applying hair-gel. There was a different aroma in his car which he thought might bring two of them closer. Heena however was not willing to, but under the terror of Nilesh, got inside the car. She was reluctant to look at Shashank. While sitting, she brought both her legs closer and had pulled her dress till knee length. She tried covering her cleavage by fastening the buttons and by pulling her top to back side. She contracted herself. Shashank looked at her and was surprised to see her behaviour. Her hands were folded and she was continuously looking out of the window. She had got goose bumps and her brain stopped thinking. She smelled the danger she was about to face. Shashank looked at her from the corner of his eye and tried to understand the scene. He had asked her name but she could not hear him since she was engrossed into her thoughts. He had introduced himself to her but she had not even acknowledged it. He was unsure about the set of thoughts she had been through. She had convinced herself that there was no way to go out of the capacity and knowing that, she had burst into tears. Hearing her cry Shashank was stunned.  He looked at her, held her chin and moved her face towards him.  Heena did not look at him and kept her eyes down under the fear of upcoming picture. He realized that she was more beautiful than he thought but her face exposed the terror she had for Nilesh; the goose bumps on her hands revealed that she had not liked Shashank’s vicinity; her sitting style had told him that she was trying to move away from him. Shashank had then understood the condition. He kept driving for some distance and thought about the situation. Nilesh had contact details of Shashank and minutiae of Hotel address and Room number. Shashank thought about the two people he was dealing with, Nilesh and Heena. He wanted to experience something he had been dreaming about since long. He had also promised Nilesh that he would take her back to him. Moreover, Heena was a stranger to him. To exploit Heena and take her back to Nilesh or to let her go were the two options he had. He was confused for a while and then he came to a stable state of mind.

He had taken his decision and slowed down the speed of his car. Keeping his desires away and without thinking about consequences he had come to a conclusion. The sense of humanity had taken over the sense of desire. He had chosen to let her go; he had taken ‘The Turn'.

The Pillow

With all her true sentiments, she let him smooch her. He moved his hand, with a strong desire, through her leg and then gradually put it on her waist.  Pulling both her legs with his leg, he wrapped her within himself. His tight hug made her closer to him. He kissing her face and her front neck made them to share the highest intimacy she had ever expected.  While he was teasing her with his beard, she moved her hand on his broad chest. His perfume was making her forget everything around and was one of the significant factors to make her entirely engrossed into him. His silvery voice asking her to come closest made her lose herself. Her true love for him could not stop him and they both ended up in occupying half of a single bed. Their unspoken but known likeness about each other made them to share a cozy moment.

Dhiraj, a guy who never wanted to be in a committed relationship, and Ananya, a girl who was loyal to him without any relationship, had a time which they both adored. Dhiraj was never fond of discussing future and Ananya always dreamt her future with him. His thoughts never let her openly speak her heart out to him. Both of them were known that they like each other; however the difference of opinion about future discussion always put a limit on their chats.  Since there was no open discussion on their likeness about each other, there was no known relationship between them. Ananya was unknowingly getting involved and attached to him. Her expectations of him spending time with her were increasing day by day. She was becoming highly possessive, which she never wanted to be, and was not in a state to tolerate him admiring some other girl. There was no commitment and hence that made her to have a lose trust on him. Dhiraj, on the other hand, was not much thinking about her or the time they spent together and was a strong believer of enjoying a current moment. This thing created his transitory interest in some other girl. Ananya, knowing this, was more than damaged. She never wanted to lose him and this thing made her think that she had lost him. She gradually realized that he once said that he was not interested in any serious relationship. She realized that the time they spent together was because he had no one else to spend time with. His nice talk which made her fall for him was only till the time she started liking him. His obstinate demand of her being perfect in everything she did was just like that. He had been giving such ideas to everyone around him. She misunderstood it as him caring for her and did take efforts to fit into his frame of perfection. Ananya then realized that, it was her loving him and it was not him loving her.  The time she spent with him was a golden time for her. Bringing his favorite food, chatting with him genially and gazing at him till her heart was fulfilled were a part of her daily routine.

Today, she was shedding tears in distress. She realized that he was not wrong; it was just that he never understood her feelings. It was, might be, just that he never wanted to understand her feelings. He did clarify that he was a guy who was miles away from relationships. Ananya, herself, was right at her place. Thinking too much about him had made her weak. She was in a sheer where she was not sure what she should be doing next. She was feeling heaviness in her heart. Concealing all her emotions had made her life misery; she shut her eyes in anguish. She put her head on her pillow and then was dissolved in tears. Only her Pillow had witnessed their closeness and then her cry. It had witnessed her appealing eyes during their love as well as her swollen eyes after she was damaged. There was no one around, who could understand her emotions; there was no one with her to share her sorrow; there was no one who knew how hurt she was; no one knew the amount of emotions she was hiding from rest of the world, except her ‘Pillow’.

Another Door

It was a morning time. Routinely Nishant was wallowing on his bed and was engrossed into his dream world. He was an ambitious guy and used to dream about him achieving his aspiration of being a renowned sketcher in the world. He, already, was a proficient sketcher and was, still, trying to learn new things and perk up his proficiency. The sketch, then he was working on, was more than close to his heart.  It was a half-made sketch of a girl’s face. The whole focus of a sketch was on her eyes. All other parts of her face were intended to be bright except her eyes. The sketch meant that a girl wanted to say a lot many things. Her eyes were expected to express all her emotions, her willingness to talk all her heart out and her anticipation from someone to listen to her. Her darkened eyes were expected to be sketched in a way that he could give justice to his thoughts about her.

The sketch was kept exactly in front of his bed.  While Nishant was staring at and was completely engrossed into it, he started feeling ill at ease. He then got up and had a glass of water. He suddenly felt a strong pain in his right upper arm. He was highly anxious. By putting water glass on the table, he sat down on a chair, with his back straight. Suddenly he had a severe headache. He could not understand anything, but, still did hold his head with both his hands. Within a minute or two, he realized that the headache was no more. He was then reassured, he had two more sips of water, and he tried to get up from chair.  As soon as did he tried standing on his legs, he lost his balance and he fell down. He could feel but could not control, there was something happening to his body. His right leg was folded in the knee, and was gradually moving inwards. At the same time, he got a feeling that his right hand fingers, too, were folded inwards and clenched into a fist. The fist was then moved outwards. The veins of his hands where tightly stretched from inside and were taking his hand away from his body. He could do nothing but yell. However, he realized that his voice intensity, itself, was degrading and within next second he lost his voice too. The veins of his face, in addition, were out of his control. His mouth started slanting towards right, his right eyelids were, automatically, partially closed. He sensed as if his right face was captured from inside. He could not stand these unexpected and uncontrollable movements, and consequently he fainted. 

Shripad, Nishant’s grandfather, got a feeling that something was not right. He casually got up from his swing chair and headed towards Nishant’s room. Seeing Nishant as unconscious and lying on the floor, he got a bad surprise. He remained firm, called the ambulance and took Nishant to the hospital. Doctor proclaimed that Nishant had a Paralysis attack. After a considerable time, Nishant was responsive and was conscious of the surrounding and the event happened to him. He could see his family around. He tried, but could not feel any movement in his right part of the body. Tears started flowing through his eyes. Shripad went closer to him, seized his dearest grandson into his arms and kissed him on his head. Wiping his tears and telling him that he was going to recover soon, Shripad asked him if he wanted anything. Nishant was concerned about nothing but the sketch he had left incomplete. He was damn sulking from inside however the positive willpower to conclude his art dominated his sadness and he asked Shripad to bring the sketch and all other sketching material to his hospital room. Shripad knew about his dreams and ambitions and brought all that Nishant wanted, to his room.

Nishant held the sketch in his left hand. The eyes, and hence the emotions in them were unfinished and were waiting for Nishant to entire them. His right hand was badly impacted with the paralysis and hence he could do nothing with his right hand. His left hand, though, had a minor impact but he had never drafted using his left hand. Knowing that there was no other option, he tried holding the pencil firmly in his left hand fingers. The pencil was sliding from his fingers and was not ready to stay there. Nishant was trying his best to hold it tightly but was not thriving. His eyes got filled up however he didn’t stop trying. Alas, he could effectively hold the pencil in his hand. Gradually he started sketching her left eyebrow. He stopped thinking about the mishap happened to him and focused on the canvas in front of him. While he was trying to sketch, he was only thinking about his dreams and ambitions. He was pushing himself to complete the sketch with the same perfection as if he had done it with his right hand. Even after the disaster happened to him, he was positive from inside and didn’t give up. His aim was only to give justice to his art, despite his weakness.

While he was trying to sketch, he realized that he had gained some power in his left hand. He could effortlessly pencil the picture. He realized that though his right hand was not operational then, his left hand was fulfilling for it. He was then watchfully completing the sketch. After assured time, he could finely complete the sketch. He could even give the finishing touch to the whole art. He could make her darkened eyes as authentic as possible and was able to make them as communicative as he wanted them to be. Looking at the complete picture, he felt contented. He did defeat his illness. The worst situation he went through could not stop him from accomplishing his target. His willpower and god’s grace made him to surmount the circumstances. He realized that there’s always a solution to a problem. He understood that only a strong desire to achieve something was sufficient to take him to his goal. When it was not right, it was left. When one door was closed the other one was opened. He realized that there was something which made him reach his goal, there was something which made him positive and strong, and there was something which he could find out with his strong willpower. He realized that there was a door, another door.

Am I Original ?

Today, it was an anniversary of Sanjay’s profession. He had been in this business since last three years. He was exceedingly unhappy and, thus, he decided to obscure the day with a bunch of beer cans. Thinking to visit the costliest area in town, preferably Marine Lines, and to earn as much cash as possible, he started being ready. Taking out Blue colored clothes off the wardrobe, since Blue was his favorite color, he started finding matching accessories. He was very fond of his beard, but he had to shave it every day. By putting a mirror in his pocket, he was all set. He locked his house, which was far away from vicinity, and he left.

As he was walking till station, which was around 25 minutes of remoteness from his house, he started thinking on how he commenced working. Sanjay was not from Mumbai but from a countryside which was around 8 hours away from Mumbai. He was 17 when his parents attempted suicide and his sister ran away with a vagabond. He had no other option than trusting his maternal uncle, Bhaskar, and coming to Mumbai along with him to find out an employment. Sanjay did hunt a living but nobody entertained him because of his skinny body and a fragile look. People could not believe that Sanjay could do a work wherein basic labors are involved. After spending 1-2 months on Railway Station, Bhaskar decided to put Sanjay in this business. Sanjay did deny initially but could not resist much, as Bhaskar was very coarse and Sanjay could not afford to mess up with him. Initially Bhaskar used to keep a watch on him but later he understood that Sanjay was not that heroic to run away from his uncle. As Sanjay started earning, they both shifted to a room in a Chawl which was nearby to the Borivali station. In a very petite duration, due to some reason, which only Bhaskar and Sanjay could know, they both moved to a small house, which was far away from locality. By dancing in weddings, festivals and by everyday going around shops he could then earn a good capital.

Whilst he was thinking of his depressed living and was extremely mislaid into it, he saw Asha walking on the other side of the footpath. Asha was his strongest and the only crush. When Bhaskar put Sanjay into this business, they both used to stay in a neighborhood of Asha’s family, in a chawl. Sanjay wanted to very much look at her. He wanted to know if her brown eyes are still that easy-to-read, if her skin is still that glowing, if she still had long and thick hair, if her smile is still that dazzling and if her pink lips are still that desirable. However, his profession and her, forthcoming, expected reactions made him to miserably look down and stroll away from there. He was more than disheartened. It was more or less after a year, he had seen her again. The sulk of his helplessness started eating his mind and brain. He was already in the thoughts of his depressed living and Asha’s thoughts made him weaker and made him to repine. He did take the train to Marine Lines as he decided earlier; however instead of going to any shop or malls or merchants, he preferred to go to sea shore.

He took a seat and started serenely monitoring tides. A list of heartbreaking things started appearing into his mind. His hatred towards his profession, the discomfort he had to carry everyday from the time he left home till the time he come back, a life lesson of not trusting even blood relations, his strong affinity towards Asha, a firm resolution of knowing her and, last but most important, the dishonesty he was carrying in his heart for past 3 years. He was not true to himself. He was not revealing his identity to anybody apart from Bhaskar. He was betraying the whole world. And unknowingly he was betraying himself by acting as  Sanjana in the outside world. He had nothing but a fortune of regret and a hell lot of sadness suppressed in his heart. The burden of the same was then further than his limits. He unknowingly started weeping and screaming loudly with his face towards the sky. After a considerable time, he started feeling tranquil. He had realized that he did need a change, a change of revealing the truth, a change of honesty, a change of comfort and a change of love.  

He sat there for a long time as if he was gravely contemplating on something, as if he had decided something and as if he was determinant about something. He then gradually removed his ear-rings, his bangles and his bindi. After sometime when darkness arose, it all started flowing on the water along with his saree. He gave away all his fakes and cover ups. Though he was poor, he decided to be an honest, true, casual and pure person. He decided to be brave, not to be scared of anybody and to be able to earn his living by being original. The change he made in himself was because an honest answer he gave to himself, for a question – ‘Am I Original?’