The Pillow

With all her true sentiments, she let him smooch her. He moved his hand, with a strong desire, through her leg and then gradually put it on her waist.  Pulling both her legs with his leg, he wrapped her within himself. His tight hug made her closer to him. He kissing her face and her front neck made them to share the highest intimacy she had ever expected.  While he was teasing her with his beard, she moved her hand on his broad chest. His perfume was making her forget everything around and was one of the significant factors to make her entirely engrossed into him. His silvery voice asking her to come closest made her lose herself. Her true love for him could not stop him and they both ended up in occupying half of a single bed. Their unspoken but known likeness about each other made them to share a cozy moment.

Dhiraj, a guy who never wanted to be in a committed relationship, and Ananya, a girl who was loyal to him without any relationship, had a time which they both adored. Dhiraj was never fond of discussing future and Ananya always dreamt her future with him. His thoughts never let her openly speak her heart out to him. Both of them were known that they like each other; however the difference of opinion about future discussion always put a limit on their chats.  Since there was no open discussion on their likeness about each other, there was no known relationship between them. Ananya was unknowingly getting involved and attached to him. Her expectations of him spending time with her were increasing day by day. She was becoming highly possessive, which she never wanted to be, and was not in a state to tolerate him admiring some other girl. There was no commitment and hence that made her to have a lose trust on him. Dhiraj, on the other hand, was not much thinking about her or the time they spent together and was a strong believer of enjoying a current moment. This thing created his transitory interest in some other girl. Ananya, knowing this, was more than damaged. She never wanted to lose him and this thing made her think that she had lost him. She gradually realized that he once said that he was not interested in any serious relationship. She realized that the time they spent together was because he had no one else to spend time with. His nice talk which made her fall for him was only till the time she started liking him. His obstinate demand of her being perfect in everything she did was just like that. He had been giving such ideas to everyone around him. She misunderstood it as him caring for her and did take efforts to fit into his frame of perfection. Ananya then realized that, it was her loving him and it was not him loving her.  The time she spent with him was a golden time for her. Bringing his favorite food, chatting with him genially and gazing at him till her heart was fulfilled were a part of her daily routine.

Today, she was shedding tears in distress. She realized that he was not wrong; it was just that he never understood her feelings. It was, might be, just that he never wanted to understand her feelings. He did clarify that he was a guy who was miles away from relationships. Ananya, herself, was right at her place. Thinking too much about him had made her weak. She was in a sheer where she was not sure what she should be doing next. She was feeling heaviness in her heart. Concealing all her emotions had made her life misery; she shut her eyes in anguish. She put her head on her pillow and then was dissolved in tears. Only her Pillow had witnessed their closeness and then her cry. It had witnessed her appealing eyes during their love as well as her swollen eyes after she was damaged. There was no one around, who could understand her emotions; there was no one with her to share her sorrow; there was no one who knew how hurt she was; no one knew the amount of emotions she was hiding from rest of the world, except her ‘Pillow’.

Another Door

It was a morning time. Routinely Nishant was wallowing on his bed and was engrossed into his dream world. He was an ambitious guy and used to dream about him achieving his aspiration of being a renowned sketcher in the world. He, already, was a proficient sketcher and was, still, trying to learn new things and perk up his proficiency. The sketch, then he was working on, was more than close to his heart.  It was a half-made sketch of a girl’s face. The whole focus of a sketch was on her eyes. All other parts of her face were intended to be bright except her eyes. The sketch meant that a girl wanted to say a lot many things. Her eyes were expected to express all her emotions, her willingness to talk all her heart out and her anticipation from someone to listen to her. Her darkened eyes were expected to be sketched in a way that he could give justice to his thoughts about her.

The sketch was kept exactly in front of his bed.  While Nishant was staring at and was completely engrossed into it, he started feeling ill at ease. He then got up and had a glass of water. He suddenly felt a strong pain in his right upper arm. He was highly anxious. By putting water glass on the table, he sat down on a chair, with his back straight. Suddenly he had a severe headache. He could not understand anything, but, still did hold his head with both his hands. Within a minute or two, he realized that the headache was no more. He was then reassured, he had two more sips of water, and he tried to get up from chair.  As soon as did he tried standing on his legs, he lost his balance and he fell down. He could feel but could not control, there was something happening to his body. His right leg was folded in the knee, and was gradually moving inwards. At the same time, he got a feeling that his right hand fingers, too, were folded inwards and clenched into a fist. The fist was then moved outwards. The veins of his hands where tightly stretched from inside and were taking his hand away from his body. He could do nothing but yell. However, he realized that his voice intensity, itself, was degrading and within next second he lost his voice too. The veins of his face, in addition, were out of his control. His mouth started slanting towards right, his right eyelids were, automatically, partially closed. He sensed as if his right face was captured from inside. He could not stand these unexpected and uncontrollable movements, and consequently he fainted. 

Shripad, Nishant’s grandfather, got a feeling that something was not right. He casually got up from his swing chair and headed towards Nishant’s room. Seeing Nishant as unconscious and lying on the floor, he got a bad surprise. He remained firm, called the ambulance and took Nishant to the hospital. Doctor proclaimed that Nishant had a Paralysis attack. After a considerable time, Nishant was responsive and was conscious of the surrounding and the event happened to him. He could see his family around. He tried, but could not feel any movement in his right part of the body. Tears started flowing through his eyes. Shripad went closer to him, seized his dearest grandson into his arms and kissed him on his head. Wiping his tears and telling him that he was going to recover soon, Shripad asked him if he wanted anything. Nishant was concerned about nothing but the sketch he had left incomplete. He was damn sulking from inside however the positive willpower to conclude his art dominated his sadness and he asked Shripad to bring the sketch and all other sketching material to his hospital room. Shripad knew about his dreams and ambitions and brought all that Nishant wanted, to his room.

Nishant held the sketch in his left hand. The eyes, and hence the emotions in them were unfinished and were waiting for Nishant to entire them. His right hand was badly impacted with the paralysis and hence he could do nothing with his right hand. His left hand, though, had a minor impact but he had never drafted using his left hand. Knowing that there was no other option, he tried holding the pencil firmly in his left hand fingers. The pencil was sliding from his fingers and was not ready to stay there. Nishant was trying his best to hold it tightly but was not thriving. His eyes got filled up however he didn’t stop trying. Alas, he could effectively hold the pencil in his hand. Gradually he started sketching her left eyebrow. He stopped thinking about the mishap happened to him and focused on the canvas in front of him. While he was trying to sketch, he was only thinking about his dreams and ambitions. He was pushing himself to complete the sketch with the same perfection as if he had done it with his right hand. Even after the disaster happened to him, he was positive from inside and didn’t give up. His aim was only to give justice to his art, despite his weakness.

While he was trying to sketch, he realized that he had gained some power in his left hand. He could effortlessly pencil the picture. He realized that though his right hand was not operational then, his left hand was fulfilling for it. He was then watchfully completing the sketch. After assured time, he could finely complete the sketch. He could even give the finishing touch to the whole art. He could make her darkened eyes as authentic as possible and was able to make them as communicative as he wanted them to be. Looking at the complete picture, he felt contented. He did defeat his illness. The worst situation he went through could not stop him from accomplishing his target. His willpower and god’s grace made him to surmount the circumstances. He realized that there’s always a solution to a problem. He understood that only a strong desire to achieve something was sufficient to take him to his goal. When it was not right, it was left. When one door was closed the other one was opened. He realized that there was something which made him reach his goal, there was something which made him positive and strong, and there was something which he could find out with his strong willpower. He realized that there was a door, another door.

Am I Original ?

Today, it was an anniversary of Sanjay’s profession. He had been in this business since last three years. He was exceedingly unhappy and, thus, he decided to obscure the day with a bunch of beer cans. Thinking to visit the costliest area in town, preferably Marine Lines, and to earn as much cash as possible, he started being ready. Taking out Blue colored clothes off the wardrobe, since Blue was his favorite color, he started finding matching accessories. He was very fond of his beard, but he had to shave it every day. By putting a mirror in his pocket, he was all set. He locked his house, which was far away from vicinity, and he left.

As he was walking till station, which was around 25 minutes of remoteness from his house, he started thinking on how he commenced working. Sanjay was not from Mumbai but from a countryside which was around 8 hours away from Mumbai. He was 17 when his parents attempted suicide and his sister ran away with a vagabond. He had no other option than trusting his maternal uncle, Bhaskar, and coming to Mumbai along with him to find out an employment. Sanjay did hunt a living but nobody entertained him because of his skinny body and a fragile look. People could not believe that Sanjay could do a work wherein basic labors are involved. After spending 1-2 months on Railway Station, Bhaskar decided to put Sanjay in this business. Sanjay did deny initially but could not resist much, as Bhaskar was very coarse and Sanjay could not afford to mess up with him. Initially Bhaskar used to keep a watch on him but later he understood that Sanjay was not that heroic to run away from his uncle. As Sanjay started earning, they both shifted to a room in a Chawl which was nearby to the Borivali station. In a very petite duration, due to some reason, which only Bhaskar and Sanjay could know, they both moved to a small house, which was far away from locality. By dancing in weddings, festivals and by everyday going around shops he could then earn a good capital.

Whilst he was thinking of his depressed living and was extremely mislaid into it, he saw Asha walking on the other side of the footpath. Asha was his strongest and the only crush. When Bhaskar put Sanjay into this business, they both used to stay in a neighborhood of Asha’s family, in a chawl. Sanjay wanted to very much look at her. He wanted to know if her brown eyes are still that easy-to-read, if her skin is still that glowing, if she still had long and thick hair, if her smile is still that dazzling and if her pink lips are still that desirable. However, his profession and her, forthcoming, expected reactions made him to miserably look down and stroll away from there. He was more than disheartened. It was more or less after a year, he had seen her again. The sulk of his helplessness started eating his mind and brain. He was already in the thoughts of his depressed living and Asha’s thoughts made him weaker and made him to repine. He did take the train to Marine Lines as he decided earlier; however instead of going to any shop or malls or merchants, he preferred to go to sea shore.

He took a seat and started serenely monitoring tides. A list of heartbreaking things started appearing into his mind. His hatred towards his profession, the discomfort he had to carry everyday from the time he left home till the time he come back, a life lesson of not trusting even blood relations, his strong affinity towards Asha, a firm resolution of knowing her and, last but most important, the dishonesty he was carrying in his heart for past 3 years. He was not true to himself. He was not revealing his identity to anybody apart from Bhaskar. He was betraying the whole world. And unknowingly he was betraying himself by acting as  Sanjana in the outside world. He had nothing but a fortune of regret and a hell lot of sadness suppressed in his heart. The burden of the same was then further than his limits. He unknowingly started weeping and screaming loudly with his face towards the sky. After a considerable time, he started feeling tranquil. He had realized that he did need a change, a change of revealing the truth, a change of honesty, a change of comfort and a change of love.  

He sat there for a long time as if he was gravely contemplating on something, as if he had decided something and as if he was determinant about something. He then gradually removed his ear-rings, his bangles and his bindi. After sometime when darkness arose, it all started flowing on the water along with his saree. He gave away all his fakes and cover ups. Though he was poor, he decided to be an honest, true, casual and pure person. He decided to be brave, not to be scared of anybody and to be able to earn his living by being original. The change he made in himself was because an honest answer he gave to himself, for a question – ‘Am I Original?’

The Loop..

Every day she used to cook food for one person; however, today the scenario was different. Leena, Ashok’s maid, was ordered to cook the food for four people. Jagdish, the only servant Ashok had, was told to clip and trim shrubs in garden and then to wash the car. Ashok, a 64 year old, was feeling very vigorously active today and was helping these two people in all house-hold work. His age spots, walking stick, a swinging chair and thick lenses were the evidences of his old age, however the energy he was showing up today was as good as any youngster’s. He was almost done with the cleaning of all window glasses. Thinking to clean-up a frame of the only family photo which was kept in living room, he tried to get up. Holding his walking stick firm, he got up and walked hurriedly towards living room. The photo frame, kept on a teapoy in living room, was pretty thick and brown in color. He did hold the photo in his hand and started moving his hand over it. While doing so, tears came out of his eyes. It reminded him of the golden and joyful days of his life.

The photo was taken when Shashank, his son, completed his graduation and came home after a long time. Naina, his adored and very beautiful wife, was more than glad that day. She made Shashank’s favorite Matar-paneer and made him eat till he was full. Shashank, as always, took his parents out for a long-drive after they had dinner. That was the last time when these three were together. Whilst Shashank flew down to abroad for his employment, Naina died of cancer. Ashok was devastated. He lost himself. After Naina passed away, Shashank was the only family he had.  Later Shashank married his college friend Ridhima and settled down in abroad. Ashok, since then, was living alone in the mid-size bungalow which he built up when he was young.

Today was the day when Shashank was coming back to India with Ridhima and their two years old, Saira. All preparations were done from Ashok’ end. The house was made clean and neat. The food was ready and all food menus were Shashank’s favorite, including Matar-paneer.  The garden was made neat and lavish. The car was washed and ready, for their long-drive after dinner. Ashok was then eagerly waiting for the moment when he could see his grand-daughter’s face. In an hour or so, a cab came in and stood in front of his bungalow. Shashank and Ridhima got down of the cab. Shashank carried Saira, who was asleep. Shashank walked forward and rang the door bell. While Leena ran towards the door to open it, Ashok stopped her and he himself went to the main-door and opened the inside lock. Shashank was standing in-front. Seeing him, Ashok got happy like anything. Shashank grinned, greeted his dad well and went straight to his room. Following him Ridhima entered in, after greeting Ashok she did ask him about his health. After chit-chatting for 5-10 mins, she went straight to their room. Ashok was shocked to their behavior but did not express it on his face. He made a mind that they were too tired after a long travel and hence they need some time to refresh. Ashok did wait for an hour or so and then asked Leena to call Shashank and Ridhima for dinner. While Leena was about to move to their room, Shashank and Ridhima came out. They both were going out for a dinner-party arranged by some friend. Ashok did mention about Shashank’s favorite food menu and a long-drive after a dinner, however Shashank turned down the offer graciously saying that the dinner-party was planned a month back and he could not miss that. While leaving, Shashank asked his father to look after Saira. Without waiting for his father’s response, Shashank and Ridhima left. Leena and Jagdish were more than stunned seeing Shashank’s gesture toward his father; however they did not utter a word. Since their duty time was over, Ashok asked both of them to leave for the day and he moved to Shashank’s room. Saira was sleeping in peace. She was not known or, probably, was not told that she was at her Grandpa’s house. Sitting by her side, Ashok moved his hand through her head and then face. He realized that, it was how Shashank used to look like when he was 2 years old. The feeling of having his grand-daughter’s around made Ashok smiling and made him to forget the treatment given to him by Shashank. To Ashok’s surprise, there were two air tickets kept on the side table. Ashok picked up the tickets to check further details. Those were next day morning airplane tickets to Jaipur, where Ridhima was from. Ashok sadly realized that Shashank and Ridhima were no longer going stay with him. He patiently kept the tickets back on the table, he got up with the help of his walking stick and gradually walked out of the room.

He entered into his room. By sitting in his swing chair; he removed his glasses and kept them on the side-table. He was trying but his mind was not allowing him to stop thinking about his beloved son. He went into the memory flash-back. Starting from changing his diapers when he was a kid, getting up in the mid-night when Shashank used to cry, playing with him in the garden, all efforts taken for his admission in schools, colleges and his desired cricket club, all the friendly discussions done when Shashank started going to college, and many other things which a father did for his son. He realized that the bonding they used to share, the attachment they used to have, the depth of love they had for each other was no more alive from his son’s end. Shashank did not bother about the efforts taken by Maid to cook his favorite dish; neither had he realized that the car was washed just for him to take his father on a long drive. Cleaning and trimming of garden shrubs was also seemed as useless since Saira was asleep since the time she came into the house and next day morning all of them were going to disappear.

 With a lot of disturbed mind, Ashok put up his glasses and got up from his swing chair. He was then mentally unstable and started walking in his room. He started thinking if he had done anything wrong with his own parents and his mind, out of ego and self-defense, replied as no. He thought that he never avoided his parents but understood that he never went to meet them, as well. He was so busy after moving to a metro city and starting his own business, that he was not at all connected to his parents. Apart from sending money every month, for their living, there was no other connection which they shared. Ashok’s parents, despite their poor economic condition, did provide him good education. After working in farms, his mother used to walk 10KMs or so every day afternoon to give him his tiffin. Despite their lot of love for him, he did not care for them. He remembered that his mother used to call him every Deewali, but he never went back to his place. Shashank never meet his paternal grandparents because Ashok never took him to their house. Ashok had attachment for his parents but he gave priority to his business and then to his beautiful wife, whom he met in a Metro City, and his only son. The love he had for his parents was gradually suppressed and then had moved off his mind. He almost forgot his originators, for him his wife and son were the only family. That was nobody’s fault. The reason, probably, was his selfish and self obsessed mindset.

Ashok realized that his son was walking on the same path which h walked. Shashank was focused only on his career, wife and daughter. And the fact was the treatment which Ashok gave to his parents, the same he had got from his next generation. He realized that there is a circle around everybody, which starts and ends at the definite point. It starts when we love someone and ends when we get the same love back. It starts when we hate someone and ends when we get same hatred back. Whatever we give out, hatred or love, does come back to us. He was still not happy but his disturbed mind was then calm. He realized that it was the loop which he himself initiated and in order to conclude it, he had to face the situation around him. He comprehended that Life is not just about having beautiful life-partner, earning money, building big houses and having foreign stays. It is more about the treatment we give to people around us and what we get in return. It is more about having a considerate and generous mindset. It is more about the loop which we form around ourselves.