Hold My Hand...

The sound of the heels of my new sandals was accompanying me on the dark, lonely road. I could see nothing  but two strong trees, at the end of the road, standing tall and facing each other. The wind was mild. The moon was partially hidden behind one of the trees. I was walking for a long time and still, I could see those trees, which I assumed as my finishing line, at the same distance as before. I was afraid and was praying to god that he should not make me meet any wild animal or even a wild human for that matter.

I tried to put my hand in my jeans pocket,  I realized that I was carrying no cellphone; not just that – I was in a gown and not in jeans as I was assuming. As I surprisingly looked towards the ground, I could understand that the gown I was wearing had frills which were distributed in a perimeter of almost a meter. The color of my dress was matching to that of the moon, making me suppose that I had one more companion along with the sound of my walking heals. The sleeves of the gown were reaching my palm and were transparent.

Maybe I was coming from some ceremony, or maybe I was going to attend one, I was not sure. I kept walking. I could realize that I had one more partner who had just started howling. I was stunned to realize that my fear of meeting those wild animals was about to take me to the ride of a deadly adventure. I started sprinting. There was no other way, for a moment I stopped and looked back. The view took my breath away and my heart beat a second later out of fear. There was a huge black wall behind me, touching the outer frill of my gown.

I looked towards the road; the two trees were still standing there, inviting me. I felt trapped. I was walking on nature’s treadmill; I was walking, running and still reaching nowhere. I cried out loud and started running with whatever energy I had. The two long earrings, which I generally avoid wearing, were hanging on my ear lobes and were touching my cheeks as I ran holding my gown.

As I had the illusion of having the trees and moon nearer than they were earlier, I took a long breath and halted for a while. They took their original position within a fraction of a second and as tears dropped from my eyes. I was trapped in the worst situation ever. For a moment, my brain asked me to check whether it was a dream and I asked two of my fingers to pinch myself on my arm. It was no dream.The last hope, I had, was scrapped.  I was sweating out of fear. The sound of the  howling was getting louder by the minute , it felt as if the wolves were approaching me. Though I was not reaching anywhere, I had to run to save myself. I started running.

In next few moments, I could see a white figure flying in the air. Her hair was long and her flowing gown was frill-less. The howling had stopped and that sound was replaced with the sound of her witchy laugh. Is it a spirit? I asked myself. Indeed, it was. It was approaching me.My hands were shivering and I was staring at her as she was moving towards me.  She laughed again. I was not sure what she was going to do with me, I tightly closed my eyes. In next few moments, I felt the strong wind on my face – had she entered inside me? I was not sure. I opened my eyes, she was still there standing and laughing. Wiping my tears, I thought of running.

As I held my gown, my hands touched by my hair. My hair ,which was always shoulder length, had grown extensively and had reached my thighs.  Overall, it was possibly my best look ever and I was trapped in the worst nightmare. I ran, I ran thinking about to reach to the trees. It was a useless effort, but I was left with no option. In next few moments, to my surprise, I heard her laugh no more. As I slowed down, I started hearing her voice once again.  Hoping that she would disappear, I pushed myself to run.The moon and the trees were still there in their positions, happily witnessing my struggle. In some time, she was not around and the sound of howling had stopped too. I halted and looked back, the black wall standing tall. Was there any door in the wall?

I looked around and could see nothing. I touched the wall as if I was asking it to understand my pain. As soon as I touched it, some strange thing happened. The wall parted itself in two halves. From the portion, created between the two halves, I could see some movement. It was something shiny and black. The walls distanced each other a wee bit and I lost all the energy I had in my shoulder, legs and back and neck. My eyeballs pushed the boundaries of my eyes to the maximum extent.

The snake bigger than I had ever seen in any movie was approaching me. The size of his face was bigger than that of whole wall. As he pushed his head in upper direction, I could see that his tail was unwinding itself from a huge spiral formation of its own body. I knew it was my end and hence, I could think of no one but my mother.The blood in my body reminded me that my father had taught me to fight till the very  end.Though I knew that His Excellency, His Majesty, the Emperor of the world I was trapped into would gulp me like he would gulp a fly – I had to run on the order of my blood.

I looked towards the trees and the moon, who were very well aware of my situation and were still doing nothing to save me, and started running with whatever energy I was left with. My eyes were tired to see the road and my body had already given up. My soul, out of my father’s teachings, was pushing all my body parts to their limits and making them move.

In next few moments, I felt something on my left shoulder, it was moving. I had no courage to see what it was. I kept running.  In next few moments, it moved forward through my shoulder, it was red in color, with splits at the tip.  His Excellency had reached me and was asking me to stop taking efforts to run away from him. As I felt his presence an inch behind my back, I eventually stopped running and closed my eyes. In next moment, I was lifted and then I remember nothing of what happened next while I closed my eyes.

As I opened my eyes, I could see that he had lifted me. He had two legs, two hands, and a head. Finally, I had seen a human. I could not see his face due to the lights around but I could notice a slight dimple on his cheek and the dusky complexion his hands were wearing. I looked around; he was in the air and was carrying me with all his strength. I looked down; I could see nothing but the black shiny land.

The trees had disappeared but the moon was there, hiding behind his head, partially. I was upset with the moon, it didn’t help me, but out of generosity I still waved at it. My gown and hair were flowing in the air; the air was strong. After looking for all those who had beheld my struggle on the land, I looked at the one who had saved me and had taken me in the air. I kept my hand on his chest, I was not sure about his name but he was my savior, my hero.

‘Your name?’, – I asked him while we both were floating high in the air.

He smiled, making his dimple more visible.

‘How did you save me from all those strange things on the land?’ – I asked him. He smiled again.

‘Answer me. Who are you and how do you relate to me? ‘ – I asked. He laughed. His voice was familiar. I knew him. I knew him very well.

‘Hold my hand’, he said.

‘No, you first answer my – ‘.

My statement was cut mid-way by a sudden explosion of the light in the background. Next moment, I was thrown away from his hands and I landed in a spiral – multi color tube. I was floating through it and moving ahead with the high speed. Speed – something I hate. I closed my eyes tight and felt the wind touching me as I move forward.  As I stopped feeling the speed in few moments, I opened my eyes to find myself sitting in a cab.

As the cab came to a halt, I got down. He was standing in front of me, keeping both his hands on his waist. He was waiting for me for long. He looked at his watch once. Looking at me, he winked and smiled.

‘Where you have been?’ ,– he asked in his usual style.

The same dusky complexion, the same dimple in the cheek and the same voice – I had seen him in my world of imagination. The man in the story didn’t come when I was stuck with the spirit and the unseen wild animals, even ‘he’ did not interfere when he knew that I could take care of the situation. The hero in the story had saved me from a huge snake, same as the way ‘he’ protects me from many life problems – only after I fought with my full potential. The man in the story was holding me close to him, the way ‘he’ always needs me closer to himself. I had seen no one but my man in my world. He is the only one in the universe who is allowed to enter into my world of imagination.  I smiled showing my teeth. He smiled showing off his dimple. I went close to him , put my hand on his chest and then rested my head on it. I convinced myself that I needed nothing but his presence to win the world. I was calm.

‘We are already late, let’s move’ – he said, holding the keys to his car in one hand.

I moved away a little bit.

He took a moment and said – ‘Hold my hand!’ – holding my hand tightly in his, he started walking along with me towards his car.

Me within me...

The day arrived when Neeta had promised to visit me at my place. I was eagerly waiting for her. It was almost six years since I last met her. I was excited to see her and talk to her about all our college day topics, the people we know in common, and her current life. While I did not dare to go for higher education after my engineering, she had done her MBA. Post-MBA she got a job and soon got married. I had prepared the breakfast and her favorite black coffee at around 10 am. While I was thinking about giving her a call and ask her when she would reach, my doorbell rang. I rushed to the door and opened it. It was Neeta. Her glares were sitting idle on her head and her red colored handbag was hanging by her forearm. Seeing me, she hugged me tightly and we both felt the deep sense of happiness.

We sat on my balcony and had long chats. I was trying to connect with her but somehow I was struggling to do the same. Surprisingly, her and my choice of topics was not matching. I was keen to hear about her career but she avoided talking anything about it.  After some time we both cooked up lunch for ourselves. Her husband, Nadir, came at around 5 pm to pick her up and she left. I was very happy after knowing that she was satisfied with her new role as a wife and as a mother of a three-year-old.  But I soon realized that I had not felt the similar attachment with her which I used to feel during our college days. Maybe she was changed or maybe I was changed, I was not sure.

After thinking for some time and replaying our conversations in my mind, I realized that she had spoken only about her husband and her kid. She used to talk about her career, her dreams, and her goals during college days. My heart interrupted my thoughts and mentioned that her partner and her kid are her priority in her life, so she preferred talking about them to talking about herself all the time. My brain questioned, is she herself not her priority anymore? My heart had no answer to this question, so it kept quiet and the stress of writing my next article diverted my brain. However, the ‘Me within Me’ was not ready to leave this topic and it pulled my brain again towards the thoughts of Neeta. My heart, which was clueless about the complex question asked by my Brain, decided to not to give any inputs on this topic. I recalled that during our college days Neeta used to talk about being an independent woman. Girls from my group used to admire her thinking. She was a strong girl then who used to take her own decisions. I compared the current version of herself with her past version; there was a hell lot of difference. She was quite an enthusiast who used to participate in all inter-college dance competitions. She had also learned to play guitar during those days. I was stunned to know that she did not talk about any of her interests, hobbies, her then dreams, her career plans and neither about her love towards fashion. I could infer from her talk that she had left her job and was not interested in working anymore. She was changed.

Though she pretended that she was very happy in her current role, I felt that she was wasting the amount of potential she has. Eventually, my brain took me to the tour of the new world of thoughts where I unwillingly compared Neeta and all other strong women out there in the world. I comprehended that Neeta was missing the amount of maturity which women who work outside possess. She was a good lady at heart but she was not making use of the education she earned. Her situation might be different than all the ladies who are independent but she could have shown the willingness to not to sit at home. I was not sure about the driving force behind her current mentality but I was certain that it was against her nature. I had to keep myself calm for a while since the thoughts gathered in my mind were impatiently pushing me to call her and shout at her asking where the original Neeta is lost. In order to keep myself restful, I went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea for myself.

The hot cup of tea, the sunset and the mild breeze, I could feel by sitting on my balcony, were fine-tuning my thoughts about women like Neeta. I was curious to understand her situation more and learn from it. The events I went through the whole day taught me many things. I realized that many Neetas like her forget themselves in the crowd of family responsibilities and emotions for their partners and kids. Majority of the women in the world don’t give enough importance to themselves. I learned that our people are our priority but we should not forget to put our own selves as well on the priority list. I feel it is absolutely OK to be selfish at times. The adjectives used for any person, irrespective of gender, be them independent, strong or courageous are earned by that individual through his/her actions. People must understand that the inner voice which tells you to follow your heart is louder than any other external advice or suggestion. Sitting at home and doing nothing are two most negative things which don’t allow you to be yourself. I concluded that Neeta would definitely achieve her dreams provided that she starts.

My heart had understood the situation and it decided that I should call Neeta and patiently talk to her about this topic. If she had forgotten her dreams, I should make her memorize them. If she is scared of her husband or her family to start a career, I should give her courage to talk with them about her dreams. If she is lazy and has decided to not to take efforts, I should make her aware of the consequences of the same.

I was happy with the conclusion. I closed my eyes and felt the mild breeze on my face again. I thanked my brain for thinking about my friend. I thanked my heart for coming up with a competent conclusion. And how could I forget to thank the ‘Me within me’ who managed to bring my brain and heart together to bring this topic to a serene end..

Do you hear them??

The day started with the bright sunlight and a romantic long drive to one of the hill stations. I always admire my beloved for taking care of my happiness and my comfort. I like it when both of us travel and talk about anything that comes to our mind. I like the way he thinks, just like a protagonist of any of my stories, with a direct approach to resolving any issue – always solution oriented. While that day he was telling me how a secretary of our colony’ should deal with the garbage issues in the society, the red light at the signal made him bring the car to a halt. As he started fixing the AUX setup of the MP3 player, I heard the knock on the left side window. A beggar, holding a small kid near her bosom with the help of one of her hands and asking for money with another, was standing outside.

‘Don’t give her a single Rupee, they are all frauds.That’s a racket; they steal other’s children and start this business. These people are richer than us. I don’t understand why the Government doesn’t ban all these nonsensical professions.’ He used strong words with the usual calmness and patience in his talk.

I ignored her.

She went on to chase another car which was standing beside ours and thus uncovered the view of the two big potholes on the road. I noticed them and remembered seeing them a month back at the same spot. One of them was big with irregular shape and another was a little smaller than the first one but exactly circular in shape. While only 15 seconds of waiting time were remaining, I saw something which made me forget everything else around me – one of the potholes was winking at me. Yes! You heard it right. The pothole which was irregular in shape had suddenly produced two big eyes, just like those of Tweety, and was winking at me.  While the other one was smiling; showing two of his big teeth which resembled those of Tom, the cat from the famous Tom & Jerry show. I could not believe my eyes. 15 seconds later, the man behind the wheels set into action.  I kept looking at the two of them in utmost surprise.

‘I want to have some tea. The restaurant there on the left side serves the best tea in the town. Please stop the car. I want to go there’, I said hurriedly.

‘But you already had coffee just half an hour before, are you sure you want to have tea?’, he mockingly said to me.

‘Yes, I can have Tea or Coffee. I just want to go to that restaurant. They serve quality beverages.’

‘Alright, let me a take a U-turn from the next junction. Your unusual demands puzzle me’, he said in a complaining tone. But I had to ignore his complaint, there was something more important waiting for me.

We went to the restaurant and I selected a table from where I could see those two, clearly, who made me delay my visit to the hill-station.

Both of them were smiling at me and with the next surprise, they started talking – not with me but with each other. I realized that I had some divine powers, that I could see and hear them talking. God, why Potholes, why can’t I hear the Sun, the Wind and the Trees talking? I thought to myself.

My mind dragged me out of this thought and focused on those two.

‘Do you know the people at the toll junction, which is almost two kilometers from here, are collecting toll for this road since the last five years when the cost to build the road is already covered three years back’, Tweety said to Tom. I was surprised to hear that. Shameless people, a thought about people collecting toll struck my mind.

Tweety continued – ‘The Minister who had promised to discontinue the toll in two years after the inauguration of the road has never shown his face after that. During the inauguration, he had mentioned that tolls would be collected only for heavy vehicles and gradually tolls were withdrawn from cars when cars are not heavy vehicles.’

Tom responded – ‘Oh that Minister! There was a newspaper lying over me two nights back, I read about him in that. He was a prime accused in some bribery case but he was relieved on bail in few minutes after he was arrested. ‘

Tweety said – ‘Yeah, that’s true.

Tom added – ‘I read in the same newspaper that not just the Government, but the education these days is in the hands of corrupt people.’

Tweety –‘Did not you not hear the woman on that nearby bus-stop when she was telling, while almost crying, her sad story to one of her friends? Her son did not get an admission to some college despite having good grades. The admission was given to those who paid a bribe, and they call it as Management Quota. ‘

Tom responded – ‘Yeah! I even heard that lady at the bus stop saying that in some institutes only those people are hired as teachers who pay a lump sum amount as bribery. Knowledge and skills are not required to get a teacher’s job these days, what is needed is only money. These people are so dishonest, disloyal and fraud. They betray their own people. ‘

Tweety answered – ‘But why should we bother? The Government is the reason we are living a long life.’

Tom added – ‘Yeah, I have invited one of my friends. Let’s make sure that he gets a place nearby. ‘

Tweety continued – ‘There is a place exactly below the signal pole that should be the best for him.You need not worry, even if someone removes us from here, it should not take us more than a month to take our places back. And if they use a good quality material to remove us forever from here, I ensure you, as your elder sister, that I will find a better place for us. There is enough growth opportunity for us here in India.’

Are they discussing facts?  a thought struck my mind.

Tweety looked at me and answered – ‘Yes. You name the field and I shall share the story of corrupt people from that field. ‘

My eyes were wide open hearing all that. My tea had turned cold long back. My husband was talking over his phone since the time we had reached in the restaurant. I looked at him just to realize that he was giving me an angry look. I lifted the cup and gulped down the tea in a single sip. I gestured towards him to leave.

‘What were you staring at, all the time when we were in the restaurant? ‘

‘Nothing’

I could not forget the words of those two potholes. I thought to myself remembering all the news read in the newspaper and all the posts shared on social media – People are forced to pay so many taxes and what they get in return is NILL. When poor and middle-class people suffer, those who commit frauds close to thousands of crores, stay out of India.  There are constructions done with the cheap material, be it of a road or of a building, which takes people’s lives. There is no scrutiny performed on the material used for construction. Road construction activities are dominated by construction mafias, consisting of cabals of corrupt public officials, material suppliers, politicians and construction contractors. Education is a business these days. Bribery is offered to secured positions; there is no place for knowledge and skills. There are ‘n’ numbers of scams, where Government officials were involved. It is going to be an everlasting question how ministers with the salary of thousands have properties worth thousands of crores.

Suddenly, I heard certain voices. Not just potholes but also broken electrical wires, toll stations, roads and buildings built with cheap material, dormant signals on the way, uncontrollable traffic, jammed drainage, fake medicines, bio-data of unemployed youth were talking to me and telling me that their deformity was a result of the non-awareness of the citizens.

I saw outside and I could see an emotion on the face of everyone and everything outside. Some were crying and some were mysteriously laughing. I concluded that those who were laughing were corrupt and those who were crying were the victims.

Politics, education, sports, and arts – you name the field and we can tell you the stories of corrupt people from that area. Those were the words of potholes. I could not take them out of my mind.

‘The youth has to do something for that. We all should be united. We should question every corrupt institution for each problem in the society. We can voice out corruption in every field.  And you know what, you can also write something on this topic. This fight is difficult, you know. But trust me it can transform the country – not immediately but gradually. And most important thing is that we have to give correct lessons to our next generation. Even when they do not take part in wrongdoings, they should have the courage to oppose such acts.’  I heard him speaking. He had seen a poster of some corrupt minister and had already started telling me ways to fight corruption.

We were halfway through our journey, and those dents had taught me something I had never even bothered to think about.

I was engrossed in the thoughts of corruption and the ways to fight it. I was wondering why could I see faces of those potholes and could hear them talking. I didn’t realize but he was saying something. He shook my arm to seek my attention and asked –

‘Do you hear me?’

I was still in the state of shock. And I replied – ‘Do you hear them? ‘

I want to cry!!

A brief about me – I stay with my family, everyone loves me a lot. My mother is just like my friend and my father is proud of me. I am an independent woman. I have found a love of my life; he takes care of me and loves me the most.

Despite a good and a blessed life, I feel like sobbing when I hold my cell-phone in my hand and go through some specific news. My heart tells my brain every time to skip it, but a part of my brain which is very keen in knowing the current affairs in the world always dominates, making me read the news.

I want to cry my heart out and I am sure many of you feel the same when we feel the pain which women in Syria, Iraq and a part of Philippines which was captured by ISIS, are going through. Whenever I read news about them, I go through a feeling which I fail to describe verbally as well as in writing. I feel like crying and shouting and may be to snatch my own hair. I feel some pain in my throat and in next few seconds, it gets choked up.

We can fight with the one who attacks us physically, how to fight with those who attack our soul? How to fight with those who treat you in the worst possible way? The word ‘Se* Slave’ is written and talked about very casually. The word has a very deep meaning. The pain of going through it must be more than a death. What should be done to make people realize the meaning of a woman’s dignity and self-respect? Doesn’t her self-respect lie in her own image in her mind about herself? Won’t she become a living dead body when she is treated in a way that she has never even thought about in her nightmares? Her dreams, wishes, future plans and may be her remaining life would become so dormant when someone suddenly attacks her territory and captures her and her whole family.

I want to cry hard and I don’t want the outside world to notice me. I now know at what level our parents care for us and hence I don’t have courage to think about the emotions of parents whose daughters go through such brutal situations. If god exists, I want to ask him whether I can give all my positivity, strength and courage to all those girls who are fighting such demonic circumstances.

I might feel relieved after crying for some time, what about her? Will she be able to forget what has happened with her? Can a cry take out all dark memories off her mind?  I can try and hide my tears but her tears are so visible without me seeing her or many other girls like her.

I want to cry but would my cry relieve her from her suffering?